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-Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
-Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. Not just for children anymore!
-Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
-Start playing Dodgeball, see how many people you can get to join in.
-Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
-Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
-Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
-Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
-When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin, narrow isles.
-Walk up to an employee and say in an official tone,"I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
-Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
-Play with the automatic doors.
-Walk up to complete strangers and say,"Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
-While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear,"Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
-Repeat in the jewelry department.
-Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive".
-Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
-Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing feild.
-As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say,"Wow. Magic!"
-Put M&M's on layaway.
-Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
-Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
-Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from other aisles.
-Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
-Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman! Come Robin-to the Batcave!"
-TP as much of the store as possible.
-Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
-Play with the calculators until they spell "hello" upside down.
-When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,"Why don't you people just leave me alone?"
-When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling, "Red Rover!"
-Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if they have any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
-Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield of G.I. Joe vs. the X-men.
-Take bets on the battle described above.
-Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
-Hold indoor shopping cart races.
-Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible". -
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
-Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
-Say things like,"Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
-Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
-Two words: Marco Polo.
-Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, Pillows in the Pet Food aisle, etc.
-"Re-alphabitize" the CD's in Electronics.
-In the Auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
-When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
-Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
-When announcements come over the loud speaker, assume a fetal position and scream, "No,no! It's those voices again!"
-Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
-Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. Buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in your drink.
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